omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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