Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
