please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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