oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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