he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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