Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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