I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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