its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
