it wasn't lemon gatorade
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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