we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
