Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
