dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
