if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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