About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
