sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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