Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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