wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I party with great urgency now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
