yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My penis needs a shock collar
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
