oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
