you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
