OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
