When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
