Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You are the jesus of drinking
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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