If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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