I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
