dude i'm inner monologue high
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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