a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
