im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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