went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
