you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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