Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
