I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Houston, we have a blender
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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