I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
