i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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