you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
