Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
