Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
