We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
