he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
