my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
