she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
