My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
