I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
