woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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