For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
