So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
