Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
