i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bring money and cleavage
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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