So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
