There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Houston, we have a blender
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
