tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
