If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
