We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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